Looking inwards

I don't think it's selfish to focus on yourself. More people should do it. I've noticed in the last two years that I'm continuing to grow, in a quiet, unassuming way. I look back at where I was and I feel I'm almost a different person. Don't get me wrong, I've always been happy and I've not had many sad points in my life. But there's a contentment entering my life, it's been nurtured and I don't think it will ever leave me.

Is it an age thing? I doubt it, I've never believed age is a barrier, an excuse or a route to wisdom. Not all old people are wise are they? Or know how to be nice to others.

I'm just learning that to do your own thing, whatever makes you feel good, is the easiest way to get more peace into your life. This is another reason I stay away from social media. Why would I be interested in a strangers life? I don't take any inspiration from it at all. Influencers are almost saying, look what I have, look at my amazing life, you've not got it have you? I bet half of them cry themselves to sleep at night.

I know I've not worked for 2 years but subconsciously I've been working on myself. It's funny how peoples attitude towards you changes when they find out you've not got a job. It used to bother me, but now I couldn't care less. When I'm ready I'll jump back in, in the past all my jobs have been to pay the mortgage, bills etc. To keep others happy. Next time it'll be something I want to do. Again, I don't see that as being selfish.

I don't think you should go looking for inner peace, let it come to you. If you force things it just won't happen.
My mindset has changed, if I go out for a walk with my camera I'm instantly relaxed, looking around, slowing everything down. You might see a worm on the ground, then take its photo. Stand and wonder about things for a minute, and then move on.

I don't feel like I'm bored very often. Although I've been told I must be, because I've not got a job.

How can I be bored, I exercise a lot, I love taking photos, I read books at night. I walk miles every day. Always on my own. I don't feel any frustration or awkwardness about being by myself. It opens up your mind to talk to people who you meet while you are out. Just a quick chat, maybe learn something interesting about them. 

Another thing that I've noticed, I don't look to set any long term plans or goals. Maybe that's lazy of me and I should have some structure in my life. But I think I like the not knowing of it all. My bike ride last Summer is an example of this. I just let people guide me on my route, friends would recommend places for me to visit, or locals would tell me of nice towns I should go to. I just put my faith in their advice and it was great.

I like doing stuff on my own, I went to the Cinema last week. It felt natural to just walk in and buy a ticket for one. It's because I wanted to see the film so I went and saw it. 

Of course, I think at some point it would be nice to do things with someone else, but until that time comes, if it does, at least I'm confident about the fact I can operate completely fine by myself. Without any self doubt.

Anyway, I suppose that's it for now. This isn't me being bragadocious. I've said a few times that this is just how I feel about my life, it doesn't mean I have a problem with how other people live theirs. It's good that everyone is different. I'm just trying to document how I'm changing as a person.

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