Keswick to Barrow

This was my 7th time of running this event. My training had gone really well, apart from an ache in my groin which I can manage. I know when to take a day off and rest and when it's OK to push it a bit.

My alarm went off at 2:15am, then it's a slow get ready, no rush. Bagels and almond butter and sunflower seeds and a banana. 500ml of water. I sit and reflect on the day ahead. There are always nerves, even though I'm just taking part and raising money for charity, it's not as if I'm trying to win the thing. I break the day down into small sections, get to the bus on time and then relax for the 2hr journey to the start.

Why do I do these things? In my head I'm trying to master the self doubt. I've trained, I'm fit, mentally I'm in a good place. But it's still 37.5 miles and I know it's going to hurt. Don't go off too fast or try too hard, don't go looking for the pain, let it come and find you.

When I sign up for these races I know I'll probably finish them, for me it's not to see if I can do it, it's for me to find out how it feels as I'm doing it. To find out about myself, there is always another facet of your character that comes out that you didn't know was there. Whether it's going really well or bad, it's always a learning experience. 
I've been called stubborn and I don't like that word, it takes more than that to keep going when you want to stop. I'm competitive with myself, I know that. I'm never satisfied with how it's gone. 

Getting off the bus at 5:45am, the start line is buzzing, it's great to see everyone so hyped.
It's warm already. The first negative thought pops into my head. Deep down I was wanting to go sub 7 hrs, like last year, but straight away I'm not feeling it. The weather had been perfect all week, 14C and cloudy, but not today, its forecast 24C.
I keep to myself as I get my kit ready. Tie laces, quick drink and away we go at 6am.

Once I'd hit 10 miles I was on pace to do a good time, but the sun came out and I knew it wasn't going to happen for me today. Now the mental demons come out to play. I spend an hour telling myself to keep pushing but I was struggling to keep hydrated regardless of how much I drank.

At 25 miles I was still going ok, but I'd walked a lot more than I wanted to. I decided at that point to back off, forget about a finishing time and just focus on getting to the end.
I was proud of myself with this decision, in the past I'd of cracked on and probably done myself some damage. I felt totally at peace for the last 13miles, I just walked most of it. I felt sick whenever I stopped at a checkpoint. I was still drinking enough and trying to eat some food, but the nauseous feeling was there, in the background. 

I don't use my age as an excuse, I'm 54 but I know people in their 60's and above who are still doing great things.
At one point during this race I was thinking to myself  "Oh come on Keith, you can't do this anymore, most people here are 30 years younger than you" 
These were new thoughts to me, very  interesting. My mind trying to give me a reason to quit?
Again it's learning about yourself.
I turned these negative thoughts around by telling myself that I'm 54 and I'm rocking it with younger runners. I don't see myself as an inspiration, I'm just doing my own thing in a quiet way.

The last 10 miles includes a lot of hill walking in the sun with no shade. By now I just wanted it done. Focus on the next mile, get to the next checkpoint, get to the road junction, tiny targets, get to them and then move on.
Once I'd changed my tactic I knew I would finish and be ok and that's all you can ask for. Finish times are forgotten about as my health is the main thing. In the past I would of been really disappointed to not get a good time.

With experience comes an inner peace, I'm just grateful to be able to do events like this. I never take things for granted because one day I won't be able to stand on a start line and take part. Until that day comes I'll keep trying my best.

And so, inevitably, the finish line arrives. Loads of people cheering and clapping. Great atmosphere but I feel strangely subdued. I think it was more a feeling of relief that it was over.
I'm sat on the grass, not moving. Straight away I'm thinking, I hope it's cooler next year! Why can't I  look back on what I've just done and see it for the great achievement that it was? Probably my toughest race out of the 7, because of the sun and my dehydration.  But instead it's as if I have already forgotten it all as my mind moves on to next year.

To be curious and to always be looking for the next thing in life. Maybe that's not such a bad way to be ?

Keith


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